You don't want to be me
by Triggs
Summary: You seriously don't want to be. A left 4 dead story told from a unlikely character. Rated T for gore, horror, extremely lame humour and even worse grammar on certain occasions XD
1. Intro

**This is my first post on Fan Fiction so it might be a bit unwieldy. I will and want constructive critism aslong as it is of use to me. Please no childish reviews or text wording. If your going to type, do it properly. Based on the feedback, I might or might not continue this so it is up to the readers. I'm not desperate for reviews so don't feel obliged to review. Also, if you find a typo, please point it out. Thanks**

**-Triggs**

**Left 4 Dead and all the other stuff is owned by Valve.**

**I only own a copy of the game and my character, Jack**

_I wasn't always like this. I don't remember who or even what I was before but I do know I wasn't like this. In most ways I'm not like my other brothers and sisters, evolved or not. (Evolved is what we call the few of us who have advanced more than the regular garden variety of whatever we are. Just thought I'd write this so you would understand the rest) True, I have huge, razor sharp claws and a very short temper but I'm not all disfigured and everything.... I think thats the word... _

_Anyway I look alot like the humans that used to live here. I manged to find some pictures in the various buildings and a mirror in one house. I have short black hair and a light, muscular build and could probably pull off pretending to be a human. Ok, maybe I'm a bit pale, with blood red eyes and huge claws that seem to be able to cut through nearly everthing, but apart from that, I'm pretty human looking._

_Ahh... Why do I bother. I'm definitely not human so what does it matter what I look like. I mean, It's not like I'm going to be living amongest humans even if there are any left that aren't running from my kind. I don't look at all like any of my evolved siblings either. I'm not over the top muscley, not grossly fat and stinking, don't have a huge tongue and don't pounce on anything that moves while screeching my head off. And I most definitely don't spend my days and nights sobbing and then acting like someone has gone and shoved a iron rod up my ass whenever someone startles me._

_The only similarities I have with my kind is that towards my sobbing sister, in terms of blood red eyes, long, deadly claws and a quick silver temper. But whereas she spends her days crying about, God only knows, I spend my days constructively, reading, hunting and writing in this journal. How is a male version of the "Witch", as the humans have named her, able to hold a pen, let alone write, with nails like kitchen knives I hear you ask. Well, claws are as handy as quills as they are with ripping apart people._

_Well, I've gotten bored, so till next time_

_Slán Leat_

_Jack Ripper_

_The male witch/warlock/wizard?..... whatever_

Sighing slightly, I picked up a piece of cloth and wiped the ink from the tips of my claws as I studied the scrawled entry. Standing up, I picked up the journal and put it away, careful of my claws, always careful of the claws. I had learned the hard way what happens if your careless. The ropey scars on my arms and chest were a testimony to that. Even so, I managed to add another scratch to the collection as I put the journal into an old filing cabinet for safe keeping. Licking the cut on my wrist, I stepped around the flipped fridge I was using as a desk and walked to the window.

Leaning forward, I scanned the streets below. Many of my weaker kind staggered in the street. Most of them were wandering around aimlessly or on the ground with the exception of a few fighting. The various burning barrels and flickering headlights added with my kind and the leftovers of their meals combined together to create a scene that would make the knees of any Horror veteran shake.

Placing my forehead against the cool glass, I watched through glazed eyes as the fodder wandered about_.(Fodder is what us evolved called our weaker brothers and sisters.)_ After hours of watching, the only funny moment which occured when one of the fodder stupidly tried to climb a burning barrel and set himself alight. Running around like a mad blazing torch he manged to set three others alight before dying.

Chuckling at the memory, I turned from the window and walked across the destroyed kitchen that had become my office. Cracked tiles crackled under my shoes as I walked across the room, giving the impression I was walking on Ice. Glancing around the stripped room, I walked out the door, no, door way. It was near to impossible to open doors with these hands so removing them was the best option.

Walking down the hall, I idly scratched my nails againist the wall as I stepped over the various items strewn across the hall floor. These consisted of a toaster, a shoe, a leg of a chair, I think and a childs toy covered in dry blood and broken glass. Glancing down at the toy, I tried not to think of child who had owned the toy and their fate. Whereas most of my kind, evolved and fodder, were brutes, there were a few like myself who had manged to keep some measure of intelligence.

Even so we were rare and many gave into insanity anyway rather than live in a world like this. I had manged to hold on so far by killing any emotion that popped up to threaten it. All that was left now was coldness, curiousity and anger.

Climbing the stairs, I stepped out onto the roof. Looking around, I took in the sights that had become so familar to me in the past two weeks. The smoke coming off the many fires in the city gave everthing a hazy look. I spotted the hospital off the the left, a huge white building ,towering above the rest of the city. It's large neon sigh giving the top of the building a weird green glow. This city had once been called Mercy City, the many signs had told me so, but now I had aptly renamed it No Mercy city. "

"Now theres wit for ya" I mumured to myself, my voice gravelly from lack of use. My mouth twitched up into a grin at the stupidity of my pun. My grin slowly slipped as I noticed a weird veichle, flying around. _What are they called again_ I thought to myself as I tracked it. _Machine, it's a machine alright.... damn, what is it!?! _I thought as I tapped my chin with a claw, lightly of course. "Damit! Why can't I remember!!" I shouted at the world, startling awake an, aptly named Hunter, on the next roof.

With a screech, He jumped from his roof onto mine, intent on killing me for waking him from his beauty. Sighing again, I turned to face him, all the while racking my brains for the name of that weird bug shaped flying thing. With another screech, the Hunter closed the gap between us with a large pounce, intent on crushing me into the floor. Except I wasn't where he landed. Stepping to the side, I dodged the Hunter's pounce and grabbed one of his arms as he landed. Twirling him around, I plunged my right claw deep into his stomach and out the other side. As blood poured down my arm I straightened, searching the skies for that bug thing again.

"Now I can hear myself think" I snarled to myself as I held the Hunter in place. "Now....what was it.....wait.....AHA" I shouted, lifting both arms in victory as I remembered it.

Unfourtunately for the Hunter, I had my claws in him at the time so it made a big mess. As the Hunter corpse fell to the floor like a peeled banana, I stepped to the side to avoid the fine red mist as it sprayed into the air. "Now I remember!" I shouted, completely unfazed by the Hunter's demise.

"I'ts a washing machine" I roared, delighted with myself. I think I heard someone facepalm themselves in the alley below


	2. Over Confidence

**Sorry for the delay, I was just too lazy to rewrite this chapter again after it got wiped from my computer. Same as before, all comments are welcome aslong as they are typed properly. No text wording. Please point out any typo's if you find any. Also questions are welcome aswell if I haven't explained something properly.**

**-Triggs**

**Valve owns Left 4 Dead and all it's franchise. I'm just doing this for fun and not profit so please don't sue. **

**My charcter Jack and the specialized Witch are mine though **

Still smiling at my small victory, I walked over to the edge of the roof. Sitting down, I hung my legs over the side, kicking the air idly. Ignoring the fatal drop below, I tried to concentrate on the nicer things around me, as few as they were. Sighing, I leaned back, resting on my hands, and looked up at the star twinkiling above me. They were one of the few things that had yet to be soiled in this world.

Spotting the flying washing machine again, I noticed that it seemed to be talking. Curious now, I hopped to my feet, balancing easily on th narrow edge. Tracking the flying machine, I made a path to it across the roofs. Looking at the gap between the roof I was on to the next, I judged the distance. Easy for a hunter but I thought I could make it. _Simple _I thought smugly. God, how I was going to regret that.

Hoppping slightly on the balls of my feet, I tensed my legs and sprinted at the gap. What I didn't spot was the loose power cable hidden by the smog swirling around my feet. Still sprinting forward, my feet were suddenly and violently swept out from under me as my feet snagged the cable. Unfourtunatly for me, I had built up enough momentum that I still sailed clean over the edge, and plummet towards the floor, head first.

With a yelp, I swiped my hands wildly, trying to grab anything that would stop my fatal drop. My saviour came in the form of a large, red and very painful fire-escape. Digging my claws deep into the railing, I came to a bone wrenching stop. Biting down on a stream of curses, in both human and infected tongue, I reached up with my other hand and pulled myself up and over the railing. Falling to my knees, I sat back against the railing, happy to be alive.

"Well that would have been embarr...." I started before the huge stabbing pain in my shoulder registered. The thing is that me and my brethern have very high pain tolerance and most pain takes along time to reach our minds. This can be useful and dangerous at the same time as it lets you keep going until you die.

Grimacing, I checked myself for injuries. I was pretty ok, If you ignored the fact that my arm was twisted off at a disturbing angle. Studying the damage, I grimaced as I felt the bone scrape off the socket. Luckily, if you can call it luck, I had only dislocated the arm and only needed to pop it back in....... .yes ONLY.

Gritting my teeth, I wrapped my arm between the rails and braced my leg against the railing. "Alright........One.........Two...........THREE!!" I barked, holding my breath. Wrenching my arm back at the side, the bone scraped back into place with an audible click. Groaning, I collapsed back against the building cradling my arm, too sore to even swear.

"All this for a fuckingflying human thing" I muttered angerily to myself as the pain faded from my arm as my natural pain barriers raised themselves again. Just then, the fore-mentioned machine flew overhead. "IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME, HEAD TO MERCY HOSPITAL........" It announced before flying down the street and out of view. "Oh course, it comes to me AFTER I injure myself following it" I said flatly as different levels of anger and hate battled for surface. Standing up, I slammed my elbow into the bricks behind me leaving a big hole. Silently fumming, I made my way down the steps and dropped down to the alley below easily, my arm nearly healed already.

Standing up, I stared around the alley. Just then a unfamilar scent wafted over the usual death, decay and burning diesel fumes. Breathing deeply, I followed it out the alley and down the street, weaving my way through the crowds of Fodder. Coming to the entrance of a alley, I crouched down as shots echoed around the corner. Scanning the alley, I watched the flashes of gunfire came from around the corner of the dark alley.

Suddenly a explosion shook the area followed by a deafing silence. _How hadn't the fodder heard that? _I thought to myself as I glanced at my kind. Turning back to the alley, I scanned it, the darkness like sunlight to my eyes."Everyone in one piece?" A grizzy old male voice spoke around the corner " If we don't make it to Mercy Hospital in time, the helicopter will leave without us" A young female voice echoed around the corner. _Helicopter? So thats what that flying thing was called _ I thought, even more annoyed now that I had been proved wrong. But that was so unimportant at them moment that I moved closer to the corner. All that was important was the owners of the voice "Humans" I growled in Infected tongue.

The thing about Infected tongue was that it only really consisted of very few words, Food being the most used. Thats why I tended to stay with human tongue, alot more choice of swears. Moving to the corner, I flattened myself against the wall, not wanting to get a facefull of buckshot, no matter how much I wanted to rip those monsters to pieces. Growling slightly, I waited for them to move away so I could move.

Suddenly, a Hunter's scream tore through the night followed by the envitable paniced screams and gunshots. The final gunshot was accompanied by the wail of a car alarm and the roar of the Fodder Horde "Food? Food! FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The fodder screached as they realised their prey were here. Feeling the rumble of my muscled brother, I stepped to side as he smashed his way through the stream of Fodders sprinting around corner towards the wail of the alarm.

Following in the wake of corpses he left behind him, I made my way to the sight of the earlier fight. Many Fodder had been killed and one of my smoking brothers, dubbed by the humans as a Smoker, by the stench in the air. Ignoring the alive Fodder who were feasting on the remains of their unfourtunate brothers and sisters, I made my way across the battlefield.

Calmly booting a male Fodder out of my way, I made my way down the gore covered alley. Passing a bullet ridden door, I glanced at the blood dripping from the holes. As I turned to continue on, a pained sob drifted out through the holes. Turning back, I looked through the hole, curious now. None of my kind ever show pain, at any time, if they didn't want to be ripped to pieces. Staring into the dark room, I tried to make out what was making the noise but the room was too dark for even my eyes.

Stepping back, I lifted one claw and carefully sliced around the door handle, taking it off. Lifting my claws up in front of me, I slowly pushed the door open with my boot, ready to attack if the creature was dangerous. Expecting a monster, I was greeted by a pitiful sight. One of my sobbing sisters, a Witch as the humans call her, lay crying in pain in a pool of her own blood. The poor girl had been shot numerous times and would die a long and painful death if left here.

Crouching down, I studied the Witch. She was a small thing, about my age with the Witch's customary dirty blond hair and pale a whimper, she tried to pull away as my shadow fell across her. Lifting her claws, she gave a feeble attempt at a growl before collapsing back with a cry. Pulling back my arm, I readied myself to give her a quick death, a small mercy in a merciless city. As I picked my target, the witch's eyes focused on mine which gave me pause. Instead of the usual burning red, like mine, her eyes were a bright blue, contrasting with the usual Witch look. As she stared fearfully up at me, she said something I wasn't expecting. "Please help me" She whimpered fearfully. It isn't what she said that froze me.

It was that she had said it in Human tongue.

**YAH!!!!! Finally uploaded it without this being wiped. This is the second time I had to rewrite this, damn laptop. Review if you want, all constructive critism is welcomed, as are ideas.**

**Also, I need some Ideas for my Witchs name. All ideas are welcome, I'm not good with names. XD**

**-Triggs**


	3. Sadistic Karma

**I could give you a huge elaborate excuse including aliens abducting my modem and me getting lost on the path of life (Courtesy of Hatake Excuses, Naruto tm XD) but I'm not going to do that to my readers.......yet........ But this time I'll come straight out. The reason I'm so late with my update is a combination of losing my writing notebook, lack of interest in finding before mentioned notebook and EXTREME laziness to actually type up contents of notebook. Anyway, quite a bit has changed since my last update. Heres the rundown**

**-New puppy, Lab/Retriever cross named Millie (Aka The living Hoover)**

**-Exams. God do I hate Irish. It's sad that I'm better at French than my native language. Anyway I'll need to study more so less writing in my holier than holy notebook**

**-Work. This was happening anyway but now there's more**

**-Birthday Whoooooooop!!!! 17 a while ago**

**Anyway, I might aswell get on with the story. Same deal as before, If you spot any typos or bad grammer, please point it out. Also ****I will and want constructive critism aslong as it is of use to me. Please no childish reviews or text wording. If your going to type, do it properly. Flaming is fine aslong as it serves a purpose and is not some brat writing to try and piss people off **

**-Triggs**

**Oh! And also ****Valve owns Left 4 Dead and all it's franchise. I'm just doing this for fun and not profit so please don't sue. **

**Jack and Lyra are mine, so back off XD**

Blinking rapidly, I sat there in the congealing blood and filth, struck dumb the first time in my life. _How the hell did this Witch..... no, girl, know human tongue? Is she even one of us?_ I thought, my wide eyes flash red at the thought. Getting off the floor, I knelt down beside the girl and slowly trailed a claw through the pool of blood surrounding us, rewarded with a screech as my claws scratched the concrete underneath.

Frowning, I lifted my blood stained claws and held them under my nose, sniffing. _Most definitely one of us _I thought as I flicked the blood off my claws. The droplets splattered across the wall, creating gross modern art. Shaking my head, I cleared the acidy smell that wafts off the blood of our kind. "So, one of us but still.....somethings off" I muttered, the smell tugging at something at the back of my mind. "I've.....smelt that before" I thought outloud as the unusual but not unpleasant smell tickled my memory. Suddenly, another whimper broke off my running comentary.

Shaking my head to clear it, I stood slowly and patted some blood off my already destroyed jeans. _Gonna need to get another pair _I thought idly as my body turned towards the door on it's own accord. "Please" a voice whimpered behind my back. Stopping, I glanced over my shoulder at the witch, then back at the open door, torn. _Leave, leave, leave, leave _a voice murmured in the back of my head. Blinking slowly, I took another step towards the door._ Yes, always us first, that girl is a risk, a threat. _I mentally nodded and stepped into the doorway. And then made the mistake of looking back.

Looking back at the fraile form on the ground, a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time forced it's way to the surface. Empathy. Suddenly my mind was filled with images of all the others I had left to their fate, everyone of them punctuated by a word that nobody had dared to my face. _**Coward! **_I winced and lent against the _**Coward!!**_doorframe, the word hammering my _**COWARD!!! **_head like a jackhammer, driving the other, selfish voice deep down. Just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Breathing heavily, I leaned back against the doorframe, my claws digging into the metal as easily as butter.

Sighing heavily, I pushed away from the doorframe and turned back towards the young witch. _What are you doing!?! _The selfish voice flared back to life _She's none of your business, It's always been about us, no one else._ Ignoring the voice, I crouched down next to the girl and scooped her up in my arms, mindful of both our claws. Ignoring her pained gasps, I turned back , towards the door. _This is going to get you killed _ The voice muttered darkly before falling into the back of my mind.

Stepping outside, I scrunched up my eyes against the glare of the lamp above me.

"Are you ok?" I asked my passenger, scanning the alley for threats.

When I got no anwser, I glanced down, concerned. Dazed sapphire eyes looked back without really seeing me.

"Hey, don't go dying on me" I said quickly, shifting her slightly.

"Please stay awake, come on................." I said as her eyes drooped shut

"Lyra" She mumbled.

"What?"

"My.......name's......Lyra" She mumbled around painful breaths.

"Well, nice to meet you Lyra, name's Jack" I said, grinning slightly to cover my concern.

"Now, I'm going to get you back to my place and fix you up. Just promise you'll hold on until then" I said as she nodded into my jacket.

Nodding to myself, I winded my way through the crowds of Fodder,booting a few of the more stubborn ones out of the way. Reaching the mouth of the alley, I stepped out of the dank and filthy alley and emerged into an equally dank and filthy street. Glancing up at a bullet riddled street sign, I started towards home, well as much as a shredded apartment I woke up in can be called home. The weird thing is that most of damage looks like my style but I don't recall ever even seeing the place before joyful as these extremely short trips down memory lane are, I'm alive and keeping it that way is all that matters.

Shifting my passenger again, my head snapped down at the sound of tearing fabric. _That was a good jacket _A dark voice muttered sulkily. Lyra had gripped the front of my jacket, her claws slicing through it like Tank through a Horde. Sighing , I shook my head to force evil me back to his hole in the back of my mind. Reaching the front of my apartment block, I froze at the sight in front of me. Then proceeded to shout every form of swear word in my arsenal, including a few I made up on the spot.

Finishing my fully justified hissy fit, I lowered my passenger down to the pavement carefully, wincing at the sound of tearing fabric again as I attempted to untangle her claws from the shredded remains of my jacket. After a minute with no success, I left my jacket to it's fate. Walking away, I was sure I heard it cry out for help,though it could just be me, as Lyra hugged the jacket to her chest, practically destroying it. _R.I.P. Faithful jacket_ The evil me said sadly, which was rare for him.

Sighing, I seemed to be doing that alot recently,I approached the front of my apartment building,my eye twitching violently. T-minus explosion in 3 2 1...............

"WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A BUS IN MY HOUSE!!!"

Yes. You did just hear what you thought you did. Reread it if your still not sure. There was a crashed bus replacing practically all the front of the bottom floor. How it got there, I have a couple of ideas, ranging from bad Human drivers to pissed off Tanks to an extremely sadistic God.

"AND IT'S JUST MY BUILDING!!!! IT COULD HAVE HIT ANY OTHER BUILDING IN THE BLOCK, BUT NOOOOOOOO.... ONLY THE ONE I'M LIVING IN IS GOOD ENOUGH!!!!"

This rant went on for another minute or so with about the same context so I'll skip ahead to when I nearly pass out from lack of air.

-----------------------------------Time Skip Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :-D---------------------------------

"Huff...huff...God.......damned.......karma.......huff" Composing myself, I checked on my passenger, who was staring wide eyed at the big spectacle I had made of myself.

"Sorry 'bout that, had to vent a bit" I grinned, embarrssed.

Blinking rapidly, Lyra nodded slowly and looked back down at the wad of fabric in her hands, formerly my jacket,hugging it again

Reasured that she was alright for the moment, I turned back to my predicament. Scanning the crash, I made a quick summary of the it seems that the bus only took out the front wall so there was no chance of the building collapsing. Problem was that the bus had completely destroyed the entrance to the stairwell, making it impossible to get to my home on the top floor.

Remembering my recent tumble from roof earlier, I walked around the side of the building and glanced up at the fire escape bolted to the wall of the building next to mine. "Why did I choose the building without the fire escape again" I asked evil me.

_Because you have to IQ of a dead squirell_

"Thanks for the support, I feel brillant now" You could practically taste the sarcasm

_Any time, I live to serve, master_ I was pretty sure he was laughing at me.

Sighing,AGAIN, I made my way back to Lyra. Crouching down, I looked under the bangs of hair covering her face.

"Hey" I said quietly "We are going to need to climb for a bit, You up for it?"

Getting a shaky nod, I took the wads of fabric out of Lyra's grasp and carefully wrapped them around her claws. With that done, I gently lifted her onto my back, my shoulders free of claw related injuries thanks to her hand wrappings.

Shifting her slightly and gripping her legs, I felt something soft and warm against my back. It was in around the next two to five seconds that I realised that,like most witches, Lyra was just in her underwear. It was also around this time that my face rivalled my eyes in colour and I found huge interest in the filthy ground at my feet as I reached the base of the fire escape and began to climb, Lyra's weight very little hinderance

_Awwww, 'ittle Jack is all grown up now_ Evil me came back with a vengence

"Shut the fuck up!" I growled mentally

_Or what? _

(Que long line of ultra violent,viseral and horrific images that can't be shown in a Rated T Fanfiction written by a very lazy writer.)

_......................................That was disturbing, even by my standards. _Replied a creeped out evil me

Ignoring the voice in my head, I climbed the final stairs, reaching the roof of the next door apartment block. Glancing around, I walked over to a large ventilation shaft, protruding out of the roof. Placing Lyra down carefully, I studied the various wounds on her. They weren't good. most had stopped bleeding but one in the thigh and two in the mid torso had yet to stop. Luckily infected didn't have to worry about infection in wounds, our viruses killing off any other form of outside bacteria.

Watching me through half-lidded eyes as I checked her wounds, Lyra leaned back against the vent, her breathing slower than ever. Frowning, I straightened back up and glanced across at the roof of my the rate of blood loss, Lyra had about an hour left before she was too far past for even our enhanced healing. What she needed was food,water, bandages and sleep. Unfourtunatly, all of those were across a ten foot gap. Remembering my earlier 'trip', I checked the floor at my feet for cables. Finding it thankfully cable free, I scanned the roof top for anything that could act as a bridge. Spotting some wooden planks stacked against the rooftop door, I pulled out a few until I found one of suitable length, if a bit thin.

Handling the plank like a toothpick, I carried it to the roof edge. Placing it down carefully, I lent down on it, testing the strength. Feeling barely any movement, I walked back to Lyra, unconsious by now. Placing her on my shoulders again, I hissed in pain as an exposed nail trailed across my shoulder, leaving a bloody furrow. Shifting the claw slightly, I climbed onto the plank, keeping my weight low and gripping Lyra's legs tightly. Shuffling across, I nearly made it perfectly, but knowing my luck if I had Armageddeon would have come again.

Just past halfway, Lyra woke up. I don't know about you, but have never woke up balancing on a narrow plank nine stories up, but I'm guessing it would be a tad bit scary. Unfourtunately for me, Lyra's gut reaction was to wrap her arms around my throat, sending my centre of balance forward. As I lent forward, I felt the board slip back. Alot of swears were going through my mind at this moment aswell as vivid images of both of our deaths at the hand of gravity, yet instincts kicked in and I made a desperate dive for the roof. It is kinda hard to right yourself while giving someone a piggy back, so the roof top gave me a big, painful concrete kiss right on the face.

**Hmm, that concrete really loves Jack. That and Gravity is Karma's bitch. :-P**


End file.
